Did we let them down?

28 Oct

Waking up to another quiet morning here in The Manor.  I live alone, I have for most of my adulthood apart from a brief period when I was married even then it was a bit weird to have someone else in my apartment.  Now in my late thirties I look back and wonder if my parents are a bit let down by the choices I’ve made in life.  Like a lot of my friends I don’t have children, fortunately for me my siblings have supplied an adequate number of offspring to satisfy my parents and I’ve never felt pressured from them but I do feel that they must worry about me at times.  I used to get told a lot that it was ok if I was a lesbian that they’d still love me, I’m not, I’ve had my fair share of boyfriends but rarely introduced them to the family or let them know that I was dating at all.  I can see why they made the assumption that I had to have been gay if I didn’t bring any men around to meet them but don’t see why they didn’t ask why I didn’t bring any women around?  There wasn’t a big stigma in the family, well not since a lot of the older generation had moved on to the next existence but even then there was a HUGE tolerance for whatever you wanted to be.

I’m not the only one that has made the choice to keep my apartment in order and not have all of my awesome vintage toys and collectables destroyed by the hands of children.  A lot of my friends have opted to have pets that they dote on as they were actual children.  Posting pictures to Facebook, dressing them up for holidays, including them in holiday cards as you would any child – thankfully none of them have gone over the edge and purchased one of those baby carriage type dog strollers I see people pushing at The Grove.  I like spending time with these little bundles of fur when I come across them but won’t actually commit to one myself.  I think if I got a dog or a cat it would really be the final signal to my parents that absolutely no grandchildren are coming from this one.  I don’t think I will get a pet – I had a cat at one time, never had my own dog.  They’re a lot of work and I’m very selfish on some ways, I can’t imagine wanting to get up at six in the morning to go take something outside to crap in the rain then having to scoop it up with a plastic bag.  Plus I like being able to take off when I want to and not have to worry about what am I going to do with this thing that lives in my house.

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There’s a birthday party at my sister’s house today for my niece Maggie, today is her actual birthday – she had the option of being delivered on Halloween but my sister squashed that idea.  I think having Halloween as your birthday would have been pretty cool but it is a lot of pressure to have a party every year and I don’t think we would have been able to stop her from being a goth once she hit those awkward teen years, nothing wrong with being a bit of a goth but its just a hard look to pull off when you’ve got olive skin and live in sunny California.  It was at one of these parties that I began to wonder if all of us that opted to wait to get married and have kids later in life are a let down to our parents.  It seems like most of them were married and popping out kids before turning 30 and here lots of us are well into our 30’s some of us are in our 40’s and no signs of settling down.  If you’re an only child do your calls to your parents always have that twinge of hopefulness when they ask how you are, hoping you’ll say that you met someone amazing or you and that person you’ve been shacking up with for years are finally making it legal and they can expect to be Pop-Pop or Nana in just a few more years.  Or have they accepted that we are different and they only grandchildren they may see are short, furry and will probably take a dump on their carpet at some point.

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